Ok, here goes. Satu ritual blogger yang mau punya anak: nulis surat buat anaknya. Tapi karena diketik di komputer dengan sambungan internet maka saya akan menyebut ini email dari ibu buat bayik. Why do I do this? Because it seems like everybody’s doing it so I thought why not do it too? HAHAHAHAH
Alah baru mulai aja udah gak romantis gini. Padahal di luar mendung *YA TERUS UND?* Ok ok I’ll start.
You, me and your dad know that’s not your real name, but that’s what we’ve been calling you for the past 9 months. Why? I’ve explained it before but I’ll explain it again. You see… I like to make silly noises when I’m expressing my ‘gemes’ state of mind and with you, I always point to my tummy and say ‘PINININININININIMMMMM’ hence the ‘Pinim’ nickname we carelessly gave you. Maaf ya kalo gak suka, Nak, we just thought it’s cute. But does it matter? We’re gonna launch your real name in a matter of weeks now, so yay to that!
But you’ll always be our little #babypinim, Sweetie. Sorry, parents’ domain there :p
I’m not gonna tell you how hard I fought to get pregnant, because compared to some people, what I went through was nothing. I’m just going to tell you that I love you even before the idea of you appeared. Aneh emang, soalnya tau gak sih Pinim, dulu ibu semacam alergi sama anak kecil. Trust me, it’s true. Semua temen-temen ibu tau: “Miund sama anak kecil itu gak akan pernah akur.” Yes, I’m that person who sneered at loud and noisy kids in public places. I’m that person who boldly go to a parent whose kid is interrupting public peace and say “Can you manage your kid, please?” and now that I’m a mother-to-be, heck, I am still that person. Nggak tau apa yang terjadi kalo kamu udah keluar dari perut ya, Pinim. Semoga ibu dikasih kesabaran dan kepandaian untuk ngajarin kamu agar orang-orang nggak sebel liat kamu di tempat umum lari-larian, nangis atau merengek berisik. Semoga kamu juga dikasih karunia agar bisa tenang, tertib dan manis kalo lagi ada di tempat umum. Ibu mau minta maaf duluan karena kamu gak akan ibu beliin sepatu yang tumitnya ada rodanya itu, karena mainan itu nggak lucu, ganggu dan seharusnya dilarang dipake di mall mana pun. Kalo ada yang ngasih? Bilang terimakasih trus kasih ke ibu ya, nanti ibu simpen.
Ibu nggak pernah mikir bakal bisa memutuskan ingin menjadi ibu, Pinim.
There was a time in my life where I said: “Ok, I’ll just do awesome stuff, maybe not get married and live on my own. Single, fabulous, independent! Hell yeah!” And you know what, Pinim? God indeed has a wild sense of humor because just a mere months after I said that out loud, I met your your ayah. Online. Never thought he’d be your dad, all we did was talk about stupid stuff, swap songs and laugh at other people’s blogs. And he was all the way in New York back then. But then he returned here, we fell in love and boom. 4 years later we were married and I immediately wanted YOU.
Keren yah? Keren dong.
Kamu juga keren. Soalnya belum lahir aja udah bawa pengaruh baik buat ibu, Nak. Kamu bikin ibu berhenti merokok. All my adult life, I smoked my lungs away. When I decided I wanted to have you two years ago, I quit. Voluntarily. No pressure, no patches, no hypnotizing, nothing. I just quit like that *snaps fingers*. You brought a miracle into my life. Well yes, I do miss it, don’t get me wrong. But every time I feel the urge to light up, I remember that I need to create a safe, healthy and secure home in my womb for you. See how I am very thankful to you, kid? It’s all because of you. You saved my life.
And theeeenn… comes the diabetes story, and as I said before, you can read it yourself ya. But again, because I wanted you real bad… I did all those things. Diet, olah raga, jaga makan dan lain sebagainya. Because I wanted you. Because I know you’ll arrive eventually. Because I was hoping real bad you’ll finally find us.
You’ve saved my life, baby. Kalau Ibu gak pengenin kamu, Ibu masih akan terjebak di pola makan gak sehat, idup seenaknya, and what good will it do to me and your father? Nothing.
You’re not even born yet but you’ve saved my life twice already.
So in return, I will always always try to be the best mother I could be. Maybe not like those perfect mothers on TV, movies or blogs, but I’ll do my best to give you the best. Every time, in anything.
As for you, Pinim, here are the things I, as a mother would want you to do…
Be honest. In today’s world, integrity is everything and it will take you a long way.
Do the things that you love.
Be curious, about everything.
Never stop learning although there’s a grade system in school that might get you depressed when you feel inadequate to your peers.
Believe in yourself. You CAN do anything.
You CAN draw and you CAN do math. You CAN speak Swahili, you CAN go to the North Pole and play with penguins. You CAN.
See new places, explore!
Meet new people.
Come home and tell me and your ayah all about it with happy eyes.
Act like a lady, think like a man.
Listen to jazz. Sorry I just had to put this here. :p
Don’t let the small stuff get to you.
Know always that your ayah and I love you so very much and want nothing but the very best for you.
Know always that although we can’t always afford it, we will always try to give you what you deserve.
Fall in love. It hurts sometimes, but you have to know how it feels like to be in love.
Know how to manage anger. If you really must get angry, do it gracefully.
Be compassionate, be kind to others.
Tell us if you get bullied.
Never bully others.
While people can say ‘inner beauty is the best’, although we’re not made of money, please never walk around looking like a derelict.
Try to understand your parents’ weird sense of humor. Laugh politely if we throw a joke, we’d appreciate that.
Respect the elders and your heritage.
Know when to shut up and know when to say no.
Know and realize that there’s good and evil, and rich and poor too. You do not live in a bubble.
Love us. Never stop doing this. Love us. I am serious.
The list won’t stop here, Pinim. It will grow as you grow. Ibu gak pengen jadi kaya pelatih tim senam Cina di Olimpiade yang ambisius kok, jangan takut ya Nak. Ibu cuma mau kamu baik-baik saja di dunia yang nggak ramah ini.
Karena kamu segalanya buat Ibu dan Ayah.
Sekarang ayo tumbuh yang sehat, paru-paru tambah kuat dan matang… karena Ibu sama Ayah udah nggak sabar pengen ketemu kamu. Ibu sama Ayah udah sebel liat crib kamu yang masih kosong. Pengen cepet-cepet ada kamunya di dalamnya
Yang sehat sampai hari lahirmu nanti ya, Nak.
Ok now if you will excuse me, I need tissues.
*nangis mbrebes mili*